thebears-

2009-07-19T23:57:00.001+08:00

you know what?
im going to eat the cupcakes you threw into the dustbin.
i dont care if im going to get food poisoning.
IM GOING TO EAT ALL OF THEM UP.
zzz.

2009-07-19T13:55:00.003+08:00

'science is nothing but a threat to society.
comment.'

after writing the question on the piece of paper, i tore the paper away and threw it into the dustbin.

end of story.

i am going to sleep now because this stupid headache of mine is making me frustrated.

i dont want it to be like this.
but you left me with no choice.
not as if you care if im doing well in life anyway.
as long as you are happy, i am never part of something you have to worry about.

its already been 7 months.
how long do i need to get over someone who doesnt care about my feelings.
who has long forgotten about me.
how long do i have to struggle.

i have long forgotten the feeling of being carefree .

2009-07-19T01:10:00.000+08:00

and i will not look for you when i am troubled.
i will not look for anyone when i am troubled because i have caused enough trouble.
maybe i should go open a private blog.

dont comment on my post people please.
i just want to rant out my thoughts.
am in no mood to say thanks for caring about me ,
will appreciate it but you know it does no effect.
grah.

2009-07-19T00:50:00.002+08:00

just shut up.
you dont even know that i have been crying for the past few nights.
you dont even know how i have given up studying because i think im stupid and beyond repair.
you dont even know i had suicidal thoughts.
so what right have you to lecture me.
what right have you to tell me you think university will give me the happiness i want in life.
what right have you to judge me.
what right have you to tell me that even if i get 4fs for a level you will still accept me for who i am.
for goodness sake you dont even know there is no f grade in a levels.
if you have that little faith in me,
what makes you think i have the strength to carry on.

why do you keep thinking that im crying because i think i need a boyfriend.
for goodness sake i dont need one.
just because my sister was so obsesssed with her boyfriend doesnt mean i will think i need a boyfriend to get obsessed over.
so why cant you just shut up.
i thought talking to you would make you understand.
but you dont even want to hear me out.

yah la yah la. i never study la.
i slack my whole way through la.
im not putting effort into my exams la.
happy ?
happy now ?

i just want to give up on my life.
i dont want to do anything anymore.
i cant find my meaning in life.

and yanyi has acquired this new skill got invisiblity.
she is like invisible in front of him.
insignificant jiu insignificant.
wo kan de hen kai de .
got used to it alrd.
fine whatever ignore my crap.
i go sleep le.
dont want to do my homework le.
ni yao zen yang.

zzzzz.

2009-07-18T13:22:00.004+08:00

~~day 12~~ day 1.

回到起跑点。
if you are sincere about being friends with me, you would have tried to stop me.
but maybe deep in your heart, you want me to leave too.

shouldnt have replied. shouldnt have.

我狠狠哭了一整个夜晚，把你放在昨天做纪念。

why, do you not take my words seriously.
i thought you couldnt stand me anymore, i thought you were tired.?

2009-07-17T23:52:00.002+08:00

day 11.
i am prepared , to be nothing to you.
its not better for me this way, but at least, its better for you.

2009-07-16T18:00:00.002+08:00

i still think i am fat & ugly.
but i refuse to go on a diet.
nan de got appetite to eat. :D

got to buck up for chem and math!!!
CAN YOU SEE THE FIRE IN MY EYES.
EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH 2NE1.
okay yanyi going kuku liao.
go bathe then go mug le!
must mug today!
cannot sleep!
must turn into mugger !
MUGGER !!!!

day10
i do not like mac's french fries.
so salty.
mos burger's french fries rocks my ah gong socks ! ._.

2009-07-15T23:14:00.002+08:00

just woke up.
watched ice age 3 with zhus just now and fell aslp right after i reached home.
so tired.

day9
you should have stop reading by now.

我想牵你的手带你去吹吹风
你说好不好你说好不好。~
all i know, is that you are living life better without me.

2009-07-14T22:45:00.003+08:00

the pimples on my face can form a parabola already.
and i will never forget the day you kicked your sister's stomach because of paint on your slippers which can be easily washed away.
tyvm for making me wake up to reality.
so what if alot of guys like you la huh?
black heart jiu shi black heart.
should have recorded a video of you hitting me because of some non living thing and showed it to your dearest.

day8
i wonder if you are doing well now.
i wonder why im so stupid.
what you can do to me, you can do to others.
so what if you like another girl.
because you are not worth my tears.
because a teardrop from me wont even make your heart ache a single bit.
i will not cry over you.
i will hold back my tears.
i will not appear weak, not in front of you.
i will not let you see how pathetic i am because of you.
i will stay strong.

or rather.
i will act strong.
but whatever, will do for now.

2009-07-13T22:51:00.003+08:00

feeling so tired i just went to bed after watching yu le bai fen bai.

woke up in the morning today to realise my stomach was grumbling.
like early in the morning.
only then did i realize i only ate a cupcake and a bowl of instant noodles the previous day.

so to make up for what i have lost,
i ate 1. charkwayteow with a drumstick
2. fish porridge.
3. banana.
4. carrot juice.

i still rmb last time when i eat with sharm and toh i would go get a bao after my meal.
then i will dont know whether to buy char shao bao or dou shao bao.
._.

am happy lihui sent out such a touching sms !
zhu family will forever stick together ! <3

to that very special friend of mine:
i dont have anyone i can talk to anymore.
and since you have given up, i dont want to remind you of her when i talk to you.
i want myself to get over him, so i can talk to you without us both emoing like the past.
so, wait for me.
i know you will . (:

day7.
if this is what you want.
if this is the ending you wanted.

i realized how little i mean to you.

my heart hurts. literally.
sian.

2009-07-13T01:42:00.002+08:00

MUAHAHAHA.
yanyi feels so accomplished.
but she can feel this pimple bulging out from the area in between her eyebrows.
so.
she is going to sleep now.

Reminders:
1.shall dig out the printer cd so i can print my cse readings out.
must find at all costs !
2. bring lihui's present to school tmrw !
3. find my old cd player so i can retrieve that cd back.

nights world.

no, he is not referring to you.

2009-07-12T23:37:00.002+08:00

did some baking today !
the 1st batch looks really delicious.
but the 4th & 5th batch was like. -.-
totally just spam the icing. HAHA.

shall pia gp now.
so much homework undone !
haiy..
so much for starting afresh.

day6.
你已經遠遠離開
我也會慢慢走開
為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
我真的沒有天份
安靜的沒這麼快
我會學著放棄你
是因為我太愛你

screwed cupcakes.
screwed life.
haiy.

2009-07-11T20:08:00.002+08:00

just when she thought she ran out of tears.

went hwachong to paint accendo banner today !
from like 9a.m to around 5, we only managed to get the 'background' done.
then went to ding's house to finish up because the security guard drove us out. :S
it rained and stopped, rained and stopped. -.-
had to reach home early for dinner though.
sorry guys !
i think i should stop saying sorry on my blog when they dont read my blog right?
defeats the purpose.
only make me feel better but they wont know about it . ._.

day5.
只要闭上眼睛，
我仿佛可以看到你与你找到的幸福一起在校园里悠荡，
走着走着，
你对她露出曾经对我露出的笑容
你应该会很快找到你的幸福吧。
i dont want to accept this.
gah.

2009-07-11T00:14:00.002+08:00

i feel useless.
i shall start some self isolationist policy or smth.
self isolate myself from the rest because all im capable of doing thus far is just to make people sad.
i cant seem to find the right words to cheer them up.
they arent looking for me to cheer them up anw.
insignificant. and useless.

day 4.
i miss you.
but all this is one sided.
i know.
depressing.

2009-07-09T23:12:00.003+08:00

lv57 bunnyi0ve. :D
2x overrrr. !

maple managed to distract me. :D

intensive mugging for promos starts tmrw !
ROAR.
i can feel the motivation in my bones. LOL. ._.

and i <3 jiahui!
ok random.

3rd day.
both of us take back our results tmrw,
ill pray for mine , and yours too. :D
wonder whats your pm about. (impeded?!)
but will not. will not be tempted to ask.
you seem to be doing fine without me,
so maybe, ill leave you for life.
i dont know.

oh. and im so happy. that he smiled at me today!
like, we are friends again!
i have to admit, i did dislike you alot.
but now, im glad you found your happiness. [:
over the last week,
i lost a friend & gained another.
what to do.

2009-07-09T00:14:00.001+08:00

didnt see the cat on my way to sch today.
:s
sorry cheehooi for being late !
haiyaya.
i must really change this bad habit of mine.

not looking forward to friday.

2nd day.
i need to persevere on this time.

2009-07-07T23:12:00.003+08:00

when i was walking to the bus stop from my house today , a cat followed me there !
it dashed across the road with me and walked beside me i was so scared it would hit my leg. :S

sorry you couldnt board the bus with me cat !

cat reminds me of shaun
shaun reminds me of ryan.

but i guess its over. over !
hope to see you again tmrw, cat ! :D

i wonder if you blocked and deleted me already.
youre always one step ahead of me anyway.

and i saw 2 mediacorp artistes the other day when i went to orchard's Central.
:D
ohoh. and took height & weight for p.e today!
remained 158 for 5th year and counting !
but i grew fatter. now my weight is 43.5kg.
its a good sign i guess.
but now i have a bulging tummy.
how ugly.
dogay doesnt even have a tummy. :O

1st day.
my feelings are not what mattered to you right from the start.
i remembered, that i once told a friend of mine,
if a guy liked you, he would like you for who you are.
what was i trying to do for the first few months.
i turned into some monster in the end.
didnt even know who i was.
till i felt so ugly, i decided to quit.
you thought i became ugly too.

and he lived happily ever after, without her.

2009-07-06T21:04:00.002+08:00

我输得心服口服。
看开了。麻木了。
i have always been the inferior one anyway.
pretty , smart , kind , funny.
never been one of those.
so 我认命了。

:D

i feel ugly each time i look in the mirror.
zen me ban.

2009-07-05T19:45:00.002+08:00

this is bad.

i keep wanting to vomit everytime i try to eat something.
but i want to eat, and im not anorexic.
so what is this.

sian. i want to eat !
i dont want to be so weak.
grah.

2009-07-01T21:34:00.001+08:00

i cant take it anymore.
i think i will get the lowest in class for math.

sian.

stop thinking about it yanyi.
even if he takes photos with a lot of girls, it doesnt mean he is a flirt.
right?
just . stop. thinking and go study.

2009-06-24T01:34:00.003+08:00

for the last time.

2009-06-21T23:51:00.002+08:00

have you forgotten?
i will not be surprised.
because i was never that significant in your eyes.

你累了倦了，说好的幸福呢？

if you ever bother to reply me.
or have you already erased me.

2009-06-20T02:30:00.001+08:00

hoot. the owl is here to post.
i become so awake at night.

(^)(^)
(o.o )
0 0

BUT I SHOULD SLEEP :x

2009-06-18T22:16:00.002+08:00

awww.
some girl bullied you. D:
or did you get rejected?
D:

or are you acting cute. DDDDD:

well. one thing is for sure
its definitely not because of me.
boy , do you enjoy making me feel so insignificant.

2009-06-18T01:32:00.004+08:00

all this wait. for nothing in the end.
do you enjoy wasting my time.
do you?!

youre never there when i need you.
do you enjoy torturing me like that.
do you know that youre hurting me so badly i wished i could be better off dead?
do you know im getting affected by every thing you do.
do you know how much you ruined my life.

so what do you know.

i feel like a dumbass. damnit.

go ahead and leave me alone like you have decided to the moment you dumped me.
go ahead and let me fend for myself.

sometimes , i just wished, like my friend.
that i could bring you down too.
its selfish of me , i know.
but I hate how you ruined my life.
I hate how when you see me suffer, you still wont be there for me.
how you decided to do this to me without even sparing a thought for me.
i hate it.

do you have to wait for me to die before you feel anything at all?

now i know why there are silly people who suicide over love.
its dumb, they know it themselves.
but they still do it.

p.s do not comment on my post. do not tell me to move on.
do not tell me to cheer up. do not say anything.
im just feeling crap now.

2009-06-17T19:54:00.002+08:00

不知道你现在过得怎样。
应该过着很快乐的生活吧。
好不想放手。
但我却从来没有选择的余地。

好怕你有一天会因为找到新欢而不理会我。
好怕。

好想你。　好想回到过去那幸福的生活。　你知道吗？

我到底该怎么做，才能把你忘掉。
才不会成为你的绊脚石。
请你告诉我。　

不想再说抱歉。
不想再听到你的道歉。
不想成为你的傀儡。

只好用华语来诉说我的心事。

心好痛。
也不知怎么的，失去了自己。

2009-06-17T02:35:00.004+08:00

YAY FINISHED .
:D
i wanted to give up halfway BUT IM SO GLAD I DIDNT.
have to change my sleeping cycle . dont want to sleep so late lah !
i want to be able to wake up in the morning to study. -.-
but at night also quite conducive. HOHO. :D

happyhappy !
worried too :S

im going to sleep now!
-prances around-

ohoh. and RANDOM FACT OF THE DAY:
yanyi has fat thighs now, omg.
going to undergo intensive physical training to reduce the fats at my thighs after mid years !
swear.

2009-06-17T00:24:00.000+08:00

she covers her emotions with emoticons.
its easier that way. (:

lalala. i will not sleep until i finish this.
swear.

2009-06-15T03:35:00.001+08:00

so much for sleeping before 10. HAHAHA. -.-

2009-06-14T12:45:00.002+08:00

okay yanyi shall sleep at 10 from now on.

enough said.

2009-06-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

i feel like throwing my phone away.
*(#&#_)!6(*@^!(#&)$*!_@)(~_&($*~$

2009-06-13T21:29:00.002+08:00

im having this throbbing headache now.
i want to do my homework!
but with the ringing sound in my ear and this headache + toothache, i cant focus.
GAH.

erased another post again.

i should be contented.
even if i cant see you ever again, this is good enough for me .

2009-06-11T23:49:00.002+08:00

maybe im not trying hard enough.

studied with lau today and it was productive!
the most productive day in my holidays so far at least -.-
:D
im having a headache now, having read so much of cheem stuff . O.O
time to sleep !

2009-06-11T01:00:00.001+08:00

you dont seem to see it.
no matter how hard i try.
everything just blame it on me la hor.
all your frustrations.
just vent it on me.
i didnt even mean anything brutal.
i tried to be indifferent.
but you dont see it.

i seriously dont want to be bothered with anything you do.
i just numb myself to everything.
i think you are the one over reacting to things now.

just blame it on me. im the bad guy. im always the bad guy.
you rock at everything. happy now?

2009-06-10T15:06:00.001+08:00

wahh. DONT KNOW HOW TO DO LAH.

and looking at previous chat logs.
i realised.
i was unreasonable.
i told you i wouldnt talk to you anymore but i talked to you the next day . (!?)
im the bad guy okay.
i wont leave you alone.
ill just tell myself you arent the same anymore.

let me know you. again.

let me have a chance to restart my life.
not the relationship.
but my life.

CONFUCIANISM. IS NEW CULTURE MOVEMENT THE SAME AS MAY FOURTH MOVEMENT?
yes right?
LAUUUU. HELP ! WE GOING TO STUDY TMRW RIGHT? isit ah?

2009-06-10T13:18:00.004+08:00

okay ignore the last post.
woohoooo.

time for cse. i dont know how im going to study for confucianism.
gah !

just to backtrack.
heres what i did from the start of the holidays.
30th & 31st - Vivocity PVC finale. stayover
1st-3rd - 4H class chalet (LOL SORRY. ) -.-
4th- 8th. - going out with mummy to shop and going to the temple. also finished cse women's status in china (only) ZZZ.
9th- dlss outing.

so dead. so dead. so dead.

and DLSS OUTING WAS OKAY OKAY.
it didnt really fail.
right..?

shall do better next time.
:/
maybe there would be less muggers during december holidays?
hopefully?
:S

2009-06-10T00:35:00.001+08:00

oh im a stalker im a bitch im a flirt i act cute and last but not least, im crazy.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

let me just laugh my self to sleep. woohooo.

ohoh. i forgot to add, im indecisive too!

YAY. what more can i ask for ? (:

2009-06-09T01:30:00.001+08:00

as usual.
of no significance.

2009-06-05T23:59:00.001+08:00

i feel like a good for nothing friend.
gah.

2009-06-04T09:18:00.002+08:00

sick of this.

i see the ugly side of you.

2009-06-01T11:52:00.002+08:00

some weird dream ._.

i dreamt that he liked another girl called sarah.
and he was persistent about it.
he was indifferent towards me and asked me to go away.
he made it clear there was nothing between us.
and he was sad when i told him i heard that some other guy liked her to the extent that he almost teared.
he kept wanting to leave but i pulled his shirt and demanded for an answer. (i forgot what was i asking) ._.
but he refused to answer even when i cried. so i hugged him and left.

some courage and boldness i had in my dream. -.-

when i went to look at my msn, again, there was no reply from him.

this must be god's hint to me that i should not be bothered with him anymore.
i should let go.
after all, holidays are the best times to fall in love.
and i must be mentally prepared.

dont call me crazy.
i might really believe that im crazy.

on a lighter note,
4H CHALET LATER !
but im having this stupid flu that made me wake up in the middle of the night :S
lets hope i dont pass to anyone! :X

2009-05-30T00:41:00.001+08:00

Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
tears from behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I say

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems like I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Ohhh yeah
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

When the stars fall and I lie awake
Your my shooting star

-goodbye to you

2009-05-25T18:17:00.002+08:00

if buying flowers for you would bring us back to the past even if it was just for one day,
i'd buy you flowers everyday.

i regret not speaking a word.
i regret not taking a photo with you.

when will i see you again.
probably never.

GP. wo lai le.

2009-05-24T23:14:00.000+08:00

i have seen it so many times that i've grown numb to it.
i dont know what to say.
maybe i just dont know the real you.

2009-05-24T09:49:00.002+08:00

i couldnt even muster the courage to speak and congratulate him.
i saw how happy he was without me.
how he was enjoying himself when i was still struggling.
and i decided to leave without a word.

before my tears started trickling down my face.

why are you such a coward. why..
he doesnt even give a damn about your presence.
whether you give him flowers or not, he reeives flowers from other girls and your flower will be so insignifcant.

2009-05-23T10:27:00.001+08:00

yanyi is going to watch FF concert later this afternoon!
WOOHOOO.
FINAL FANTASY CONCERT.
:D
-does KALLANG WAVE-

2009-05-21T20:46:00.002+08:00

WHY.
WHY.
WHY.

dont talk to me dont talk to me dont talk to me forever because there are other girls talking to you and you probably forgot my existence/ cant be bothered with me anymore.

AAAH WHATEVER. yanyi has split personality.

let go please yanyi.
youre terribly pathetic and go get a life yanyi.
HE DOESNT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU.
EVEN IF YOU DIE, IT DOESNT MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO HIM.
HE WONT BOTHER .
i hate you yanyi.
i hate you.

fine la continue talking to girls all that. maybe you will start liking someone , develop your feelings for someone and get a girlfriend this june holidays.
anything anything anything.
anything yanyi.
you stupid foolish girl.
whats up with trying to wait till after NS.
whats up with that man!
why did you ever think of that.
just leave him alone.
dont even think of talking to him because he gives no shit about you wanting to talk to him.
he gives no shit because he has other girls to keep him busy.

he says he has no friends.
but he has alot of friends and you know that.
theres no need for you to worry about him.
theres no need for you to worry that no one is there to comfort him when he is feeling down .
theres no need for you to encourage him , give him your support no matter how depressed you are.
theres no need at all.
no need at all.

YANYI WILL GET NUMB TO ALL THIS.
YANYI WILL HOLD BACK HER TEARS.
she cried yesterday and she is so not going to cry today.
she is not going to let her friends down.
she told her friends she would let go she would cheer up.
AND she will do just that !

asshole yanyi. asshole yanyi. keep your promises.

yanyi is going to stay up all night to pia her homework.

2009-05-21T20:10:00.005+08:00

我害怕你心碎没人帮你擦眼泪。

it suddenly dawned upon me that if i wanted you to be happy,
i should stop bothering you . ( actually not much link to the song lyrics but yeah. random thoughts that came into my mind and the song lyrics are nice anw :x)
i should leave.
i wont deny the fact that i still miss you.
but thats for me to know.

received back my chem test paper today.
and it was a low single digit.
i thought i would have tore my paper into pieces when i received it.
but i realised there was no point.
better improve.
i will not let one guy pull me down.

its time to wake up yanyi.
its time to find the motivation.

it wont be all talk and no action.
JIAYOU YANYI . AND THOSE WHO ARE STILL STRUGGLING LIKE ME.
TOGETHER, WE CAN CREATE MIRACLES.
WE WILL MAKE UP FOR WHAT WE HAVE LOST.
WE CAN DO THIS.

yanyi stop killing yourself.

and sorry to the people who heard my nose make squishy noises.
._.
stupid flu. so embarrasing.

clearing my mails now !

last but not least,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUHONG ! SEE. EVERYONE IS SUPPORTING YOU.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. PLEASE CHEER UP! and thanks for being there for me as well.

i know you wont be reading my blog , but ill be wishing you good luck for your performance. no screw-ups allowed ! jiayou!

omg yanyi is crazy now she is talking to air!
but whatever.
this will do.
helps vent my feelings out without affecting your mood or bothering you.

2009-05-21T05:58:00.000+08:00

insignificant.

continue being happy.

wasnt that what i wanted?

2009-05-20T21:38:00.005+08:00

why is my sister so uncaring.
why wont you come and comfort me when i am crying.
why.
why are you so unfeeling.

i hate how you treat your boyfriends.
i hate your attitude towards me.

you can forget easily doesnt mean i can too.

in your case, although you two are not together, you two still love / like each other.
it isnt that difficult to accept right?

im liking a guy who doesnt like me. who is so unfeeling towards me.

tell me which is worse.
TELL ME.

why cant you see that im feeling depressed enough already and stop rubbing it in.

i need words of encouragement or support.
not telling me how stupid i am.
not reading my thoughts out and making me cry.

why are you so insensitive towards my feelings.

2009-05-18T22:47:00.005+08:00

you never fail to make me feel insignificant.
im sick of this.
i dont want to flunk my studies because of you.

its so not worth it .

im left with nothing .
happy now?

you ruined my life. happy now?

well , i should be glad you didnt wait for another year to dump me because i would probably fail my a levels at this rate.

control yourself yanyi
motivate yourself to study harder.
i do not want to neglect my studies because of some guy who doesnt even bother .

do you know how fugging long i wait for you to reply.
just staring in front of the screen
to know that, you didnt even want to reply at all.

I FEEL INCREDIBLY DUMB. tyvm for making me feel so dumb.
so stupid so pathetic so whatever so INSIGNIFICANT.

yet, i have no one to blame but myself.
i want to control my own life.

zzz ! GO DO HOMEWORK YANYI.

i lost track of what i was waiting for.
even if i die, it would be just another day for you.
another normal school day.
how pathetic yanyi. how pathetic.
i hate feeling so pathetic.
i hate getting affected by others.
i want to take charge of my life.
missed the days i was happy without having to worry about anything else.

move on, while i get stuck here for a while.

2009-05-18T21:27:00.000+08:00

okay the previous post was when i was in a pissed mood. :/

almost got knocked down by a car on my way home.
i wouldnt say down actually
since the car was travelling at such a slow snail speed but i just didnt see it .
:/

2009-05-17T08:25:00.002+08:00

what the hell.
all you do is lol.
and you didnt even say bye to me when u went offline.
what the hell !

i swear it doesnt pay to be nice.

yanyi just stop trying, seriously.

WHAT THE HELL.

stupid dream i had too.
couldnt differntiate it from reality actually.
one word in my head when i was in my dream: asshole !

zzz !
WHATEVERR.

2009-05-12T18:31:00.003+08:00

why do you have to be so cute
why do you have to wear that pink shirt
why do you have to go sakae

WAH ZZZZ.
feeling grumpy.
dao chem.
go sleep.

and stop telling me to let go.
as if its that easy to let go.
I WANT TO LET GO ALSO LA OKAY.
DAMNIT. ZZZZ.

2009-05-10T00:45:00.001+08:00

i really cant be bothered with people who dont give a shit about my feelings.

2009-05-09T16:21:00.001+08:00

ill be here
why...?
ill be waiting here.
for what?
ill be waiting for you so..
if you come here.
you'll find me.
i promise.

ff8 ! <3

woke up at 2 today, must pia homework le ! :D
must find back my motivation. fast !

2009-05-07T21:46:00.002+08:00

hey. im so sorry.
i know i shouldnt have told you.
but i dont want you to have high hopes and get a greater disappointment in the end.
i dont want to see you like that.

i know im not much of a help and telling you to cheer up wont do.
but believe in yourself and find something to distract you.
just keep finding.

i know its hard. but what can we do
we can only distract ourselves and move on.

really sorry.

2009-05-01T13:10:00.003+08:00

HO YAN YI STOP LOOKING AT HIS PHOTOS.
STOP LOOKING AT HIS PHOTOS I REPEAT.
STOP LOOKING AT HIS PHOTOS.
IT DOESNT MATTER IF HE TAKES PHOTOS WITH A MILLION GIRLS OR WHAT.
JUST STOP LOOKING AT HIS PHOTOS BECAUSE IT IS ALL IN THE PAST.
IT DOESNT MATTER IF HE LIKES ANOTHER GIRL NOW.
IT DOESNT MATTER IF HE DOESNT LIKE ANY OTHER GIRL NOW.
NOTHING HE DOES IS SUPPOSED TO MATTER.
NUMB YOURSELF AND DRILL IT INTO YOUR HEAD HO YAN YI !!!!!!!!!

it still hurts.
im sick of crying over things you find so insignificant. gah.

2009-04-30T19:34:00.002+08:00

我还是喜欢你。
但是，如果你知道的话，我们连朋友都做不成。

喜欢一个人不一定要和他在一起。
我却没那么勇敢，去祝福你。

如果专心，投入学业，可能渐渐的，就会把你曾经给我的幸福给遗忘。

2009-04-25T22:32:00.001+08:00

panda.

2009-04-24T19:51:00.003+08:00

whats wrong with me.

ill just numb the pain.
be indifferent to your actions.
its 3 years of friendship going down the drain, not a few months.

will that do?

gah.
yanyi you suck.

&
yanyi will not sleep until she hands in her pi, does her cse assignment and revise for math !
so dead.

2009-04-23T22:48:00.002+08:00

it doesnt matter if the ink is leaking.
this chapter has to end.

goodbye.

and,

please study. dont waste your life away like that.
im sorry if i ever neglected your feelings.
i never knew you cared.
i dont know anything about you after all.

i know you dont want to talk to me anymore, so this blog will be the only thing ill turn to when i really have something to say to you.
if i find the urge to talk to you, dont reply me.

i just hope that.
whenever you walk past places like dhoby ghaut, you would remember that we shared happy memories together.

and i swear. i was never pissed at you. maybe there were too many miscommunications between us. whatever it is. good luck.
from the bottom of my heart.

2009-04-19T10:33:00.001+08:00

go on. go ahead.
go to the library.
rest assured.
i wont go there.

2009-04-17T22:29:00.002+08:00

you want freedom?

go on. you already have it.

i am so sick of myself saying the same things over and over again.
But if this is what you want out of it.
I am truly disappointed in you.

It has never crossed my mind that you were such a person.

you told me you were always honest with me.
you told me to trust you.
i tried.
But you always do things that never seem to match what you say.

I am tired.
I am sick of your lies to cover up yourself.
You are right.
I shouldnt be wasting my time.
I dont get why i cant get over you either.

What hurts is not the fact that you are knowing more girls and going out with them now.
It is the fact that you are talking to them like how you used to talk to me, and forgetting about my existence.

2009-04-17T22:00:00.001+08:00

i cant believe you did that.
i see your true colours now.

you have finally given me a good reason to forget you.
JERK. in your face.

2009-04-15T22:08:00.002+08:00

to you,
it wont make a difference even if i cared for you.

so what if i told you to take care.
would you appreciate it?
the one you want to hear 'take care' from is probably not me anymore.

gah.

IM GOING TO SLEEP. before he appears online.

so much homework to do !
and im lagging behind esp for math and chem.
have to do some catching up during the weekends.
really need to find someone to study with me because i always end up thinking alot at home and not doing anything.

WHO WANT GO DO HOMEWORK WITH ME. PM ME. ):

2009-04-14T17:52:00.003+08:00

i wished i could make you worry about me sometimes.
to know that at least you cared.

but i guess you have better things to be worried about than me.

how can you call me crazy.
it makes me feel like shit.
it makes me feel as if we werent together before.
i guess everything changes when you lose feelings for someone.
but that doesnt mean you can call me crazy.

this feeling should stop.
i dislike myself for clinging onto something that is already gone.

sometimes, i wonder
i wonder who was it i loved.
was it you?
I dont know. I dont want to know how you have changed.
I dont want to know if it was someone who told you
'if you liked a girl you would...blahblah'
and you realised you didnt like me before.
I dont want to know if you lost feelings for me after my Beijing Trip when i was thinking about you the whole time, listening to the short recorded message from you or if you didnt have any feelings for me right at the start and you misinterpreted your feelings for me.

Each time i walk past the long winding road we once walked together, on my way home, i think of that someone , that someone i wanted to do things for, to do things with.

You say you dislike how i make things so open for everyone to see.
But how am i supposed to talk to you when you call me crazy.

So i turn to my blog to let it all out.
Some place you dont visit at all.

2009-04-10T17:11:00.000+08:00

i have to trust you.

actually take 985 to toa payoh not that long what ! 36mins only.
zzz.
._.

2009-04-09T23:41:00.003+08:00

i hate how seeing photos and notes can affect me so much.
i hate how things can affect my emotions.
i hate how my heart rules over my head.
i hate how you post things without thinking about my feelings.

i need time.
but youre suffocating me with all these nonsense.
yet it would be unreasonable to ask for more.
you have your own social life and whatever.
i know i should just leave you alone.
but i just cant bear to.
the feeling sucks.

Life sucks.

2009-04-08T23:05:00.004+08:00

i dont get it.
is physical touch that impt in a relationship?
for me, i think a relationship at this age would be like two close friends who like each other supporting each other.

guess im wrong.
they just want to touch you hur.
go get another girl.

no im not referring to ryan. -.-
i dont know what guys are thinking man.
gross.

my blood is boiling .

2009-04-06T22:38:00.001+08:00

today is a happy day!
:D

thanks for bothering.
i appreciate it.

2009-04-04T17:06:00.000+08:00

I just can't understand the ways
Of all the men and their mistakes
You give them all your heart
And then they rip it all away

You told me how much you loved me
And how our love was meant to be
And I believed in you
I thought that you would set me free

You should've just told me the truth
That I wasn't the girl for you
Still, I didn't have a clue
So my heart depended on you, whoa

Although I'll say I hate you now
Though I'll shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because I am a girl

Been told a man will leave you cold
Get sick of you and bored
I know that it's no lie
I gave my all, still I just cry

Never again will I be fooled
To give my all when nothing's true
I won't be played again
But I will fall in love again

I loved you so
Now you leave me in the cold
How could this be
I thought that you'd only love me

Into the night
I will pray that you're alright
You hurt me so
I just can't let you go

You took advantage of my willingness
To do anything for love
Now I'm the only one in pain
Will you please take it all away

Never thought being born a girl
How I can love you and be burned
And now I will build a wall
To never get torn again

Because Im a girl - KISS

the lyrics are so true. :/
go watch the video. its super touching .
cried after watching it. T_T

2009-04-03T23:01:00.001+08:00

one day, ill forget that there was a time you replied my smses and looked forward to seeing them.

2009-03-29T15:53:00.000+08:00

why does it have to rain.

2009-03-29T00:16:00.003+08:00

i should have known when you refused to acknowledge our relationship to others.

to my imaginary ryan who was once there for me,
6th april is coming.

he doesnt read my blog anyway.

2009-03-28T08:01:00.000+08:00

youre a nice sweet guy ?
MY FOOT. asshole
flirt somemore la!

jerk. zzz.
this was so expected of you .

2009-03-27T20:52:00.001+08:00

there are so many places i want to go with you.
but i guess thats impossible.

it helps knowing youre an asshole.

2009-03-25T23:11:00.001+08:00

i will not talk to him
i will not talk to him
i will not talk to him
i will not talk to him
i will not talk to him.
i will go sleep right now.

2009-03-25T22:27:00.002+08:00

you say you cant be committed.
its not about whether you can stay committed to someone isnt it?
its because its me, thats why you cant stay committed.
well, good luck finding someone who you can stay committed to.
now you have all the freedom and choices.

i felt so relieved that i was actually with my zhu family when it was raining.

2009-03-20T14:09:00.001+08:00

its so suffocating.
my heart hurts.

2009-03-12T18:05:00.003+08:00

typed out a long post but decided to erase it eventually.

people get sick of me saying this.
people think that I have not given myself a chance to move on.
some others, think that Ill surely move on, afterall Im a flirt. (!?)
tsk.
and I wont bother convincing anyone.
Im just too tired.

i appreciate yingting for listening to me talk, for understanding me and hearing my thoughts.
its so hard to find someone who really understands you when the ones around arent really bothered about you.

ok shant say that.
maybe only ONE particular person is only concerned with herself.
like whatever. I dont want to hear your shit.
youre like ' who cares if you have a bad day. i have a bad day so ill just go on and kp everyone i see, not care about their feelings and go on showing my bad mood to everyone! '
you think thats the way of being not fake, well thats just being insensitive.

but oh well. I have lived with it and I will just avoid it next time.

Guess I cant change stubborn you anyway.

GAH.
ok deleted another long strand of stuff again.

shall not make you feel any worse , if you ever feel bad about it that is.

YANYI SHALL BE HAPPY AGAIN. SHE WILL BE HAPPY.
please be happy yanyi. PLEASE AHH . !

2009-02-28T22:58:00.000+08:00

yanyi is rubbish .

i dont even feel anything when i insult myself .

2009-02-28T18:38:00.004+08:00

Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless.Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends .

ha-ha.

took some quiz today.
really bored.

should start doing my homework.
i wanted to go to the library to do some research for cse but it was pouring heavily and my legs were aching.
shall do it tmrw.
raah. meanwhile ill TRY to finish the rest of my hmwk.
no guarantees though. :/

--
and i know you got sick of my rantings.
all of you are in bliss.
so ill shut myself up.
no worries. yanyi will bottle it up to herself because she sees the need to now.
nobody will notice when she is gone.

its okay to be unimportant, i know im not all that important in your lives.
but its not okay to forget my presence and avoid it. esp when you find someone else to talk to and just leave me there. walking away with that friend of yours as if i was never beside you.

2009-02-17T18:16:00.002+08:00

they say there is nothing else you could wish for as long as you are in love.
but people tend to expect quite a lot from those they love.

they say pride does not matter when you are in love,
but many lovers break up because their self-esteem is hurt.

they say love alone will do when you are in love,
but we eventually keep turning our eyes to the demands of reality.

they say love has no reasons,
but people always love for a reason.

._.

my sister said something which really struck me
' he isnt the - inserts name - you love anymore. '
i guess its true.
and she gave me vday present !
a bouquet of roses !
i was so touched that i cried.
Really have to thank my family for supporting me all this while, for not getting sick of my crying, for cheering me up and all that.
Im so thankful that someone actually bothers to listen to me, or just sit by my side and hug me when Im feeling down.
I LOVE YOU MUMMY AND JIEJIE ! (:

2009-02-04T23:20:00.001+08:00

he is better without you.
so why cant you be better without him !

he has clearly forgotten about you.
so why cant you just move on!
you know its impossible to be friends with the attitude he is giving you.
so why are you still holding on!

zzz. stupid girl.

2009-02-02T21:41:00.001+08:00

what did i do again?
why are you avoiding me !
see me like see ghost like that.
==
at least give me a reason and ill tell you what exactly happened.

2009-02-01T23:12:00.001+08:00

waiting for someone who isnt there at all.

2009-01-31T00:58:00.001+08:00

do not sms him at all costs !
this is so much harder than what i expected.

why does my school have so many muggers.
i must stress that I am not a mugger because even though I write my homework on my pm to remind myself to do them, I leave them to the last minute whenever possible :x
yanyi needs to be more hardworking.
GOGO YANYI !
chiong ahh!
for now, let me hug my dogay and have a good rest.
busy day tmrw. : D

2009-01-17T22:32:00.004+08:00

Fun fact of the day : The difference between a turtle and a tortoise !

Turtles may live in freshwater, the ocean, or brackish ponds and marshland. Their front feet might be fins or merely webbed toes with streamlined back feet to help them swim. Turtles have flatter backs than tortoises, and may spend all or part of their lives underwater. They mate and lay eggs underwater or on the shore. Some turtles sun themselves on logs, rocks, or sandy banks. During cold weather, they burrow in mud and go into torpor, a state similar to hibernation. Sea turtles migrate great distances. They are more often omnivorous, eating plants, insects, and fish.

Tortoises live entirely above water, only wading into streams to clean themselves or to drink. In fact, they could drown in deep or swift current. Their feet are hard, scaly, and nubby so it can crawl across sharp rocks and sand. Tortoises often have claws to dig burrows, which they occupy during hot, sunny weather or during sleep. Tortoises are mostly herbivorous, eating cactus, shrubs, and other plants that have a lot of moisture. They rarely migrate. Their shell forms a rounded dome, allowing the tortoise's limbs and head to withdraw for protection.

ta-dah !

spent my saturday morning and afternoon lagging at dunkit. ._.
it was quite fun because we were doing the mass dance in the Lt when we were free xD
jiahui keeps dancing parts of the korean mvs like super junior's you and dbsk's purple line.
so cool :D
then we danced the chorus of nobody. well, a really small part of it xD and sang ponyo ponyo ponyo~!
whooo.
but i think howl's moving castle is nicer than ponyo on the red cliff by the sea.
D:
went to ten mile junction to buy new year food (NO CADBURY CHOCOLATE THIS YEAR ! how can ._. ) and headed home.
reached home at approximately 7+?
lagged all the way till now because my brain is dead.
YANYI NEEDS TO START ON HOMEWORK .
super stressed.
esp when dou dou came to tell me she did her essay already !
AHH!
-panics-
(are you looking at this, dou ! )
oh well.
must pia tmrw alrd !
hopefully I can pia finish by 5pm ? so i can sleep early !
need to catch up on some sleep.
ill turn in early today.
NIGHTS WORLD.
im coming, dogay !

i knew this day would happen. xD
you better stick to him and keep your distance away from other guys.
have some awareness of the people around you.
be a good girl man ! (;
and oh, be careful.
dont regret this decision you have made.
glhf :D

2009-01-15T21:19:00.000+08:00

why are you doing this
he doesnt even like you
he only treats you like a sister or even less than that.
just a normal friend he can do without.
just someone he will forget when you dont talk to him.
why must you let him trample on your pride.
why cant you forget him and move on
MOVE ON ! ignore him and make him know its his loss !
why are you still talking to him !

i feel like a loser.

2009-01-11T22:48:00.003+08:00

'You are lively, dramatic, and flamboyant.
You have an outrageous personality...
And you secretly resent anyone who makes you tone it down.

Underneath it all, you are driven by your need for attention and acceptance.
You need to feel special at all times.
You are secretly jealous and occasionally insecure.'

HA-HA. yes i do get jealous very often. but i am not occasionally insecure.

the new school term starts tmrw.
getting back higher chinese o level results and im really scared i will fail.
its like i want to get a grade like a1/2 but i have a feeling ill get a b3/4 .
please please please give me a decent grade T_T
im so not looking forward to the new school term.
whats there to look forward to !
-prays that the mass dance is something decent-

maybe ill go back to my crazy self again.
I feek weak. ugh.

2008-12-30T19:41:00.003+08:00

why am i letting you trample on my pride.
dont reply dont reply la !
im not going to pretend as if i am so magnimous and sms you good morning or whatever bullshit.
zzz.

2008-12-28T15:31:00.002+08:00

friday-

went for dunkit in the morning and ate mos burger for lunch.
then went with jiahui to visit yingting at work. :D
waited for yting to finish work and went home with her.
we took the mrt home and sat down on the floor.
this indian girl saw and she copied us.
yting said we were setting bad examples so we stood up ( when it was near our stop )
gaaah.

no mood.

why dont you just leave and never come back.
then i could have a good reason to forget you.
i dont want to lose you.
but talking to you makes me feel worse.

2008-12-26T20:54:00.002+08:00

must say that the book is better than the movie.
i used to think that the female lead was pretty and the male lead wasnt.
after watching the movie, i felt that it was the other way round. -.-
and it didnt feel like it was a romantic movie or anyth of that sort.
._.

twilight didnt even come out when you asked me to watch it then.
ill be waiting for you to come back.

2008-12-25T23:57:00.000+08:00

since i cant forget you, i wont.

2008-11-14T22:42:00.001+08:00

bloody hell.
where are my true friends.
dont tell me you are my friend and you will always be there for me blahblahblah.
because i will not believe a single one of you.
dont tell me you have nvr talked bad about me one single bit before.
dont tell me to cheer up and everything will be fine.
all liars.
LIARS. damnit

feel like crying now.
SO THATS WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR.
SO THATS HOW DESPERATE PEOPLE CAN GET.

so much for trying to be there for all of you.
so much for feeling so helpless.

THANKS.

2008-11-13T21:20:00.002+08:00

lol okayokay. UPDATED. ._.
nothing much to update mah.
i got a job at toysrus but dont know which area yet.
:D starting at dec .
so for now, shall start packing up my things and
prepare for next year le !

2008-10-04T01:18:00.001+08:00

3.4k words in my cid report !
:O
im still left with
-strengths of project
-justify limitations and propose solutions
-broader implications
-references
AND IM GNA BE DONE WITH CID REPORT =.=

wahhhhh.
okay STUDY CHEM TMRW !
or isit today ._.

2008-10-01T12:02:00.004+08:00

things to do today

~~revise finish lang arts.~~
and ~~do cid report !~~ 1311 words. 1/3 done . D:
and
notes for

the physics topics
~~light~~
~~waves~~
~~electromagnetic waves~~
sound. SHALL WAIT FOR TMRW. >:
i want to slp le !

NIGHTS EVERYONE.
AND.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHINGXIN !

2008-09-28T00:56:00.001+08:00

i just finished revising for mass media and realised theres still a topic called governance . -.-